without you

so after the amazing weekend with the love of my life
i hardly heard from him and when i did it was one word answers
along came tuesday... 18th october my dads birthday...
i want answers and i want them now
so i confront him and supposedly he ran because i show emotion?
i show emotion? because i kissed him?
he didnt stop me and he didnt stop after the kiss, he took my close off and well you all know what happens then.
he tells me he cant believe that im actually talking about this again when he has already told me twice that he cant do this and he is numb to all feels you know what makes me so angry, the fact that hes been one of my best friends for 14 years, we spoke on a daily basis, we saw each other, we had good times
but that stupid night at capellos when he told me he had feelings for me - he changed everything and he can just walk away and im left with this..

i told the love of my life it was the last time he would hear from me
facebook gone, skype gone...

anyway tuesday was the end of the michelle thats been around for the last few years.

i must be honest im missing facebook, the laughs, the stupid status updates, the photos, the news
but you know what i find so funny that only one person has been in touch since then and my so called friends have not even noticed that im not on facebook
i havent got one sms, one email etc etc except from Michelle and she has just popped back into my life
so i guess that shows me another thing

i had an eye opening session on wednesday i went to see a psychologist....
and she got me in the first 30 seconds and explained so much that i havent thought about

sorry for the really down post but i guess not being on facebook i have no where else to put my thoughts out there...

so this weekend
friday i was really tired and wanted to get a few movies and chill
my bad boy smsd me and said hi and asked what i was up to
he said he was having a strong drink after a kak day and asked me to join him
so i jumped in my car and did about 180 the whole way there
we chatted for a while, giggled, listened to music and then my phone rang i had to take the call so i sat a little forward on the couch and he started tickling my back and then all of a sudden kissed me on my neck
i said to the person on the phone i gotta go and giggled
he pulled me through to his room and basically just ripped my clothes off
it was amazing
it was intense
it lasted ages it was yummy
it was good
we chatted some more and i left sometime in the morning

saturday was supposed to be a chilled day but turned out to be pretty funny
went to meet my next tattoo artist
and then went for a drink
it was beyond funny with dudes doing wheelspins in the parking lot pretending they were the main manne
and when they got out they looked like they were someones bitch from prision
next thing we know we get invited to these dudes tables and spend like next few hours talking shit
getting drunk
watching him trying to do a backflip on a jumping castle
i will load the photos asap

i miss my friend
i miss his laugh
i miss the shit we could talk for hours
i miss the fun we had
i just miss him....