Dating for dummies 101...

So in my attempt to start my misadventures I did the unthinkable I registered on a dating site… don’t worry I didn’t pay… I cant reply to any messages but I just loaded a profile and a picture or two….

I wanted to see what sort of calibre of men out there and what type of men I would attract as the real me…

Supposedly it’s a mathematical equation you answer questions about the real you and it matches you to like minded individuals….

If only it was that easy.

Imagine walking down the road and asking someone a couple of questions and knowing you had found mr right but the percentage he scored….

So this is what you get…. Well what I got….

Savant

Hi there.

It would have been a lot easier if I just bumped into you in a pub or a mall. Anyways, here we are, lemme cast & see if I get a bite. I looked at the guys in the Top20. I saw Fester Adams, the Monopoly guy, 14 fags & 4 guys who jump out of aeroplanes, so I reckon I’m in with a chance...

I liked your profile, but, would like to know more. I can’t lie, the initial attraction was your pic. You are absolutely gorgeous! Now I want to know how to keep you smiling, what makes you happy, what makes you cry… (I only cry when people don’t understand what Lassie’s trying to tell them..)

Hope you’ll take the time to read mine & offer comments. I’m hoping that we’ll actually have a few things in common & something to talk about. If we hit-it-off we might even move the conversation to a coffee shop & see if there’s any sort of chemistry.

I suspect that a girl like you will get a lot of attention & hope that you’ll make time to read my profile. I’ve heard from lots of women here that a large percentage of the guys on this site are total freaks. Lemme assure you that there are no human heads in my fridge, only Woolies goodies.

I remain.

P.S. Here's a little more 'bout me. Hope it paints a pretty picture....

Okay, hopefully by now you’re over the initial shock. I have long hair! Deal with it please, I have to live with it after all. I’m not some dirty hippy or a metal head okay? In fact I take very good care of my hair & will probably keep it for as long as God(or John Travolta for the Scientologists) will let me…

I'm really easy-going & can go along with almost anything, be it a braai or a night on the town. I'm an absolute 80's music phreak & even DJ in a club once a month or so.

I studied journalism for a year, but, gave it up coz it was all just a bit too Huisgenoot for me. I still have an excellent general knowledge, in fact, I might be addicted, so I can hold my own in most
conversations.

I like good humour. More Seinfeld than Will & Grace, if you know what I mean. I don't read half as much as I used to & when I do, it's usually factual/biographical rather than fiction. Also like fantasy & don't mind stuff like Lord Of The Rings at all. I like good food & good restaurants, but, you'll have to come on a couple of dates....

I prefer holidays in the lowveld over the coast. Prefer
whiskey over beer, small pubs over clubs & smart girls over pretty girls. Not that I would say no to Jolie or any of the mommies in Desperate Housewives!!!!

I work in the insurance industry. We replace people's
stolen goods on behalf of their insurers. You can imagine that in this country & specially in Gauteng, we have a LOT of business. The boss looks after me well & I'm happy. Or content?

Passions:

Football (The yanks call it soccer).
Humour (Wit).
Girls with pretty feet.
Jack Daniels

Poisons:

Dirty nails.
Dumb people.
Jack Daniels.

There are obviously loads, just an example....

Just a little erotica, hope it doesn't put you off. I really like giving oral, love feet...

What else? I'm an open book & you're welcome to ask me
stuff if you want.

Jannie.

ORAL? FEET? In the same sentence…. Im done…. Im really done…..

My profile stats that obviously the dude needs to be single? Is that wrong?

I don’t mind if he has kids, my theory there is I don’t want kids, so if he has kids he doesn’t need them from me?

But surely single? On a dating site is a non negotiable? Unless youre looking into swinger parties or threesomes but I thought this was a dating site….

Foursquare

2011-08-10 18:51:03

LOL... so it's ok if he has kids, but he MUST be single. Go figure, pleople are clueless as to how to construct a profile :)

Let it be known that mr foursquare is married? I wonder if his wife is also looking at male profiles.

Phoenix 31

2011-08-11 18:03:55

Hi miche

I took a look at your profile and think that we may have a lot in common.

Before you choose to reply to this message, I’d like to tell you about myself...

I defend small villages from attacks using a spoon and a wheelbarrow. You have probably seen me on CNN and BBC.

…Yip ... that’s me.

I write award winning plays, scripture and musicals. On Tuesdays I repair kitchen appliances, light fittings, vehicles and toilet cisterns and only sign autographs on Wednesdays after 5.

I am also psychic, religious, a philosopher and a have a post grad qualification in Geography (I’m being serious about the post grad in Geography – hey … it pays the bills and working with satellites is cool).

I can hurl toasters, kettles and fridges at tiny moving targets over vast distances with great precision and accuracy. I have been the topic of numerous films, dramas, documentaries, school plays and soap operas. I love dancing – Ballroom and Latin American (being serious about the dancing part too…).

Balance between being serious and fun is very important to me :-) I am a practicing Christian and go to church at least once a week. I believe in integrity, honesty and morals; and that a woman should be treated with respect, honour, dignity - and also have the freedom to be independent.

I know what it’s like to strive for one’s career, and I work for an IT mapping company based in Midrand (finally ….director!!) … and so you shouldn’t consider me a bonehead ;)

Hope to hear from you soon!

Phoenix

Jink

2011-08-11 07:13:58

hi hoe gaan dit

Really now? That’s the best you can do? Did you not see the previous dude? I mean he saves the world with a spoon and a wheelbarrow? I mean how do we beat that?

Devillers thinks this is gonna land him his ideal mate for life, bless him for his honesty I guess

NO PERSONS UNDER AGE(sensitive!!)

First the bad news...Presently I don't have a car due to no fault of my own.I take anti - depressantsand tranquilizers(a sub therapeutic dose) . I am not a suicidal case past or potential.I have PTSDbecause twice I've nearly died, once drug related and the other a car smash.And you can throw in National Service which was a nightmare.I also have schizophrenia, a condition controlled with medicine. Basically some nerve endings in my brain were damaged by the dagga I took(2 puffs can you believe it?) when I nearly died which has caused a chemical imbalance, not enough dopamine is produced, but I'm fine with the tranquilizers which double up to right this imbalance in my case.I'm not psycho(haven't killed anyone or planning on it!!)I don't plan on spending the rest of my life in an institution.'Normal ' people also do this!!!I'm also quite passive. Lastly I have gout- I'm on diet!!!

BurningLash thinks this is hot…

Seeking people for social contacts, friendship and possibly more who have an interest in [removed] related BDSM activities.

BDSM is about extreme intimacy, shared trust, shared fantasies, playing together and love. It can be sexual does not have to be. It is about exploring the limits of your mind, living your inner most dark fantasies of power and surrender. It can be about turning [removed] or about experiencing rampant passion.

If you have ever thought of the kinkier side of life I am looking for you. Drop me an email and lets talk.

If you have ever fantasised about being ravished whilst tied up helpless, or imagined yourself at some ones feet serving them, catering to their every desire and whim. Or if you have had any of a miriad of dark thoughts that you wish to explore safely in the real world. Send me an email, I am looking for you

My first bit of excitement arrived when I got a message from Charles…

Good looking dude, my age, pretty normal fun loving guy…

I look at his pictures, wait a minute, I placed this guy at his current job 2 years ago, that’s right he’s a CA. I think back to our interview, isnt that what a first date is? An interview….

I did think he was hot, a little arrogant, a little bad boy… but then he slouched in the chair and that annoyed me and then I noticed his top 2 or 3 buttons werent done… a little furry thing was sticking out and guess what? A thick gold chain…. OVER….

So I guess its back to the drawing board for me, no luck yet on the misadventures of a wannabe badgirl